03 January 2012

Fun with Keyword Searches

Now that a few more people are reading my blog, one of the fun things I like to do is check out the stats page occasionally.  I like to see from where I'm getting traffic, which posts are going over well, etc., but my favorite part is checking out the referring urls and keyword searches.  I still get a lot of hits from the Ukraine and other Soviet countries, though I'm not getting as many hits for Russian porn as before.  I do seem to garner an inexplicable number of animé hits, though.

The coolest part is that I'm now starting to get searches specifically for "gingerdoodles.com" and "Ginger LaRue."  That's just kinda awesome.  Of course, I also still get weird search queries such as these:

"Whale's nipple?  Really??

I am fascinated that someone could find me merely with an "a," even if I have "a" fun blog.   I'm also getting hits for macrame, and for those with technical skills, macraméI've even gotten it in Cyrillic, which is just weird:  макраме.

In addition, I've been trying to figure out what I could possibly have written that would link me to "evil" porn.  Is there a good porn with which I am unfamiliar?  What exactly would constitute "good" porn, do you think?  I likewise have no explanation for "whale's nipple."  I wasn't even aware that whale's had nipples, though I suppose they must since they're mammals.  Frankly, it's just not something I sit around thinking about.  "Gee, I wonder if whales have nipples?  I wonder how many they have?  Do Capuchin monkeys fart in bed like their male cousins?  What...is the function...of a rubber duck?"  I'm far more likely to sit around pondering other weird things like how to read the satellite listings to make them sound funny or awkward.  For example, if I read the shows currently running on my satellite system, I get the following:

      Channels 285 & 286, I get:  "I (Almost) Got Away With It...Secret History of the Freemasons."
            (Well, we always suspected, didn't we?)

      Channels 282 & 283:  "Fatal Attractions:  The World's Deadliest Animals."
            (Wait, there are animal fetishes on satellite??)

      Channels 272, 273, and 274:  "RuPaul's Drag Race:  Cybill Resoration." 
            (Who needs plastic surgery when RuPaul is willing to "restore" you via drag enhancements?)

      Channels 256 & 257:  "The Doughgirls--Masters of Horror." 

     Channels 242 & 243:  "Burn Notice--Sexy in Minutes!"  (Now that's hot...)

     Channels 190 & 191:  "Mr. Popper's Penguins' Fright Night."  (I don't even want to know.)

And that's just for starters.  Not surprisingly, this game is far more entertaining after around 8 pm, and especially in the wee hours of the morning when the satellite offerings become seedier or more bizarre.  You can cobble together all sorts of disturbing combinations then, and with very little effort.  Or maybe that's just me.  I also do things like this with road signs, people's t-shirts and just about everything else, which might explain why the hubs doesn't like to be seen in public with me.  Some people just have no imagination.


  1. There's a search engine in Asia, more popular than Google - forget what it's called - that apparently, when you search for "Adventures of Tintin", my blog comes up above said adventures of poochie.

    Highly entertaining.

    And four of my most-used search terms that found me involve the word vodka. Score.

  2. I laughed.
    Unfortunately I don't get cool and awesome keyword searches. *sigh* I mustn't be cool and awesome enough. Anyways, thanks for the giggles!

  3. Nicely done, Not Tintin! Funny how you get vodka and I just get Russian porn...

    @Larissa--glad you enjoyed it! I don't know how cool or awesome I am (not that this stops me from telling everyone I am, whether true or not), but I *am* quirky. I guess it helps if to have a particularly bent sense of humor. ;)