Weird Humor Night

Because I have spent the last two days dealing with a stomach issue, I am tired and not particularly focused.  Also, I only have an hour left to create something for today's post.  So, tonight I'm just gonna share a few entertaining pics with you. Enjoy!

Ding Dong (the witch is dead).

This statement defines my entire family.

An apostrophe wouldn't go amiss, either.

I loved Hugh Laurie long before he was a fake American doctor.

If I thought for one minute that this would work...

If I worked in an office, I would SO do this.

Rock-Paper-Scissors-Nazi-Glock?

I wonder how they got in Daddy's computer in the first place...

 

I really hope he didn't compete in a U.S. Olympics with that very unfortunate name.

True story.

Sources:
www.shirt.woot.com
www.icanhascheezburger.com
www.polyvore.com
www.users.frii.com
www.failblog.org
www.verydemotivational.com
www.theolivepress.eu
www.xkcd.com

Weird Humor Night

Because I have spent the last two days dealing with a stomach issue, I am tired and not particularly focused.  Also, I only have an hour left to create something for today's post.  So, tonight I'm just gonna share a few entertaining pics with you. Enjoy!

Ding Dong (the witch is dead).

This statement defines my entire family.

An apostrophe wouldn't go amiss, either.

I loved Hugh Laurie long before he was a fake American doctor.

If I thought for one minute that this would work...

If I worked in an office, I would SO do this.

Rock-Paper-Scissors-Nazi-Glock?

I wonder how they got in Daddy's computer in the first place...

 

I really hope he didn't compete in a U.S. Olympics with that very unfortunate name.

True story.

Sources:
www.shirt.woot.com
www.icanhascheezburger.com
www.polyvore.com
www.users.frii.com
www.failblog.org
www.verydemotivational.com
www.theolivepress.eu
www.xkcd.com

Constitutional Underwear

Most of you know by now my feelings on TSA's current scanning and enchanced pat-down methods, particularly after my rant in the post Gate Crashing (and Burning).  For the most part, I am not one to make loud or violent protests about things, especially political issues, though I've had my moments.  Generally speaking, however, I tend to figure that both major political parties are pretty seriously screwed up and that neither one is radically better than the other.  I agree with points in both parties and I disagree with points in both parties.  Similarly, I often have very mixed feelings about religiously-charged subjects.  As a result, while I grumble or complain about this issue or that issue, I don't tend to make a huge deal about most of them because I feel that no amount of doing so will ultimately change the majority of those issues.  Call me naïve or uninvested, but I generally find life much more peaceful this way.  It doesn't mean I'm not invested or that I don't care, it simply means that I don't think getting my panties in a bunch will solve anything most of the time.

That said, one of the things I do regularly rant about or speak out about are the airport security measures provided by TSA, or as I like to call them, "Flight Fondling for Fun and Profit."  Many other people are less concerned about it than me or, while annoyed by it, have no real problem allowing the procedures, figuring that complaining will accomplish nothing.  And they have that right, just as I have the right to avoid apoplexy every time a politician does or says something assinine.  If I didn't, I'd be stroking out every 3 minutes.

My frustration with the whole thing is two-fold:  first, I find it appalling that US citizens who frequently tout the Constitution as much of what makes us preferable (or even "superior) to other countries are perfectly content to surrender their Constitutional rights regarding search and seizure, all in the name of possibly stopping one more terrorist.  And that brings me to my second point, which is the assumption that abusing said rights will ultimately make that huge a difference.  How many thousands or even millions of people have to pass through these questionable procedures before even one illegal item is found?  To me that is akin to McDonald's marking billions of coffee cups as "Very Hot" all because one woman was incompetent enough to pour coffee in her lap.  Am I sorry she was severely burned?  Sure.  I can't imagine that I would enjoy having a flaming crotch either.  Does that make suing McDonald's for burning her reasonable?  Of course not.  Heck, if they'd given her cold coffee, she could just as easily have sued for false advertising, because who expects coffee to be cold?

I have no doubt that the occasional person is indeed caught with illegal items on his or her person.  But I still have to wonder how many of those "illegal" items were nothing more menacing than the odd nail clippers or pocketknife or nail file that someone forgot to leave at home.  I am allowed to carry knitting needles on a plane; if I wanted to stab someone, I could do far more damage with one of those than with many of the items considered "illegal."  I also still think that any real terrorist determined to cause chaos can and will find a way around security measures, just as they always have, and that it's unrealistic to think that molesting passengers or subjecting them to even low levels of radiation is going to change that.

Don't get me wrong; I am not suggesting that all security measures should be abandoned.  I understand their necessity, even if I don't always agree with their implementation and practice.  I understand that it is intended to lessen the likelihood of terrorism in flight, even though I doubt it will stop more than a minute percentage.  I also recognize that it gives other Americans a way to feel safer, to feel like their government is actually doing something instead of sitting around impotently like usual.  That, too, is their prerogative, even if it doesn't make a big difference to me personally.  What irks me no end about it is not even that the security is there, but the incredible lack of consistency in its administration.  I detest the subtle profiling involved, including the assumption that anyone overweight or old and saggy or whatever is somehow packing.  I detest that children are yanked out and patted down.  If a teacher were to do that to the very same child, they would be immediately sacked for child molestation, and yet it's okay for TSA to perform this service? I know I always use cute children as drug mules or to sneak my Saturday Night Special past the guards.  Please...most parents are far too beleaguered with trying to get the kids and all their accoutrements on the plane without exposing the entire airport to tantrums.  I hardly think the average parent is concerned with sneaking illegal items past TSA via their children.

Part of what prompted today's marginally more sedate rant was this article, Airport full-body X-ray scanners banned across Europe as unsafe, posted by one of my friends today on Facebook.  The upshot is that the scatter scanners have been banned all across the European Union (EU) because of the increased risk of cancer in using them, both for the passengers as well as for the security staff.  When questioned, TSA's response was to point out the "rigorous testing the technology is subjected to, plus the fact 300+ 'dangerous and illegal items' have been detected by employing the body scanners."  So there you go.  Not only does the US apparently know more than Europe, they have managed to locate a whole 300 "dangerous and illegal" items from among the thousands of passengers flying every day; the article doesn't even suggest a time frame for these 300 items, the implication being that TSA found those 300 items since the scanning started, as opposed to say in one year's time.  That might sound a whole lot more impressive if it didn't represent a maybe--maybe--1% success rate.  TSA might as well make their new slogan "Letting Everyone See You Naked and Possibly Getting Cancer is Okay Because We've Uncovered Dangerous Objects in One Percent of All Travelers."  That's a bit wordy, though.  Perhaps it should be reduced to something like "Screw Your Rights and Health--We're TSA!"

The best part of the article for me was its linked page to something called "4th Amendment Underwear" (for the protester in all of us).   In it are shirts and boxers and even bras emblazoned with the 4th Amendment printed on the items in metallic ink so that when you are scanned by the x-ray machines, in addition to an up-close and personal look at all your goodies, TSA will get a less than subtle reminder that they are violating your Constitutional rights.  Other clothing articles include the slogan "Read the 4th Amendment Perverts."  I'd be lying if I said the thought of wearing such undergarments to the airport didn't appeal to me.  In fact, it appeals so much so that I actually went to the store page to see how much they would cost or if they would even be in my size.  This is what I saw: 

There were socks, too, but I couldn't get a big enough screen shot to include them.  Still, you've gotta love it--every.single.item is sold out.  Apparently I'm not the only subversive traveler out there.

Here's hoping that TSA eventually sees the error of its ways and finds more effective ways to secure air travel, preferably ones that do not involve violating one's rights and privacy or molesting one's person.  Meanwhile, way to go EU--good on you!

Constitutional Underwear

Most of you know by now my feelings on TSA's current scanning and enchanced pat-down methods, particularly after my rant in the post Gate Crashing (and Burning).  For the most part, I am not one to make loud or violent protests about things, especially political issues, though I've had my moments.  Generally speaking, however, I tend to figure that both major political parties are pretty seriously screwed up and that neither one is radically better than the other.  I agree with points in both parties and I disagree with points in both parties.  Similarly, I often have very mixed feelings about religiously-charged subjects.  As a result, while I grumble or complain about this issue or that issue, I don't tend to make a huge deal about most of them because I feel that no amount of doing so will ultimately change the majority of those issues.  Call me naïve or uninvested, but I generally find life much more peaceful this way.  It doesn't mean I'm not invested or that I don't care, it simply means that I don't think getting my panties in a bunch will solve anything most of the time.

That said, one of the things I do regularly rant about or speak out about are the airport security measures provided by TSA, or as I like to call them, "Flight Fondling for Fun and Profit."  Many other people are less concerned about it than me or, while annoyed by it, have no real problem allowing the procedures, figuring that complaining will accomplish nothing.  And they have that right, just as I have the right to avoid apoplexy every time a politician does or says something assinine.  If I didn't, I'd be stroking out every 3 minutes.

My frustration with the whole thing is two-fold:  first, I find it appalling that US citizens who frequently tout the Constitution as much of what makes us preferable (or even "superior) to other countries are perfectly content to surrender their Constitutional rights regarding search and seizure, all in the name of possibly stopping one more terrorist.  And that brings me to my second point, which is the assumption that abusing said rights will ultimately make that huge a difference.  How many thousands or even millions of people have to pass through these questionable procedures before even one illegal item is found?  To me that is akin to McDonald's marking billions of coffee cups as "Very Hot" all because one woman was incompetent enough to pour coffee in her lap.  Am I sorry she was severely burned?  Sure.  I can't imagine that I would enjoy having a flaming crotch either.  Does that make suing McDonald's for burning her reasonable?  Of course not.  Heck, if they'd given her cold coffee, she could just as easily have sued for false advertising, because who expects coffee to be cold?

I have no doubt that the occasional person is indeed caught with illegal items on his or her person.  But I still have to wonder how many of those "illegal" items were nothing more menacing than the odd nail clippers or pocketknife or nail file that someone forgot to leave at home.  I am allowed to carry knitting needles on a plane; if I wanted to stab someone, I could do far more damage with one of those than with many of the items considered "illegal."  I also still think that any real terrorist determined to cause chaos can and will find a way around security measures, just as they always have, and that it's unrealistic to think that molesting passengers or subjecting them to even low levels of radiation is going to change that.

Don't get me wrong; I am not suggesting that all security measures should be abandoned.  I understand their necessity, even if I don't always agree with their implementation and practice.  I understand that it is intended to lessen the likelihood of terrorism in flight, even though I doubt it will stop more than a minute percentage.  I also recognize that it gives other Americans a way to feel safer, to feel like their government is actually doing something instead of sitting around impotently like usual.  That, too, is their prerogative, even if it doesn't make a big difference to me personally.  What irks me no end about it is not even that the security is there, but the incredible lack of consistency in its administration.  I detest the subtle profiling involved, including the assumption that anyone overweight or old and saggy or whatever is somehow packing.  I detest that children are yanked out and patted down.  If a teacher were to do that to the very same child, they would be immediately sacked for child molestation, and yet it's okay for TSA to perform this service? I know I always use cute children as drug mules or to sneak my Saturday Night Special past the guards.  Please...most parents are far too beleaguered with trying to get the kids and all their accoutrements on the plane without exposing the entire airport to tantrums.  I hardly think the average parent is concerned with sneaking illegal items past TSA via their children.

Part of what prompted today's marginally more sedate rant was this article, Airport full-body X-ray scanners banned across Europe as unsafe, posted by one of my friends today on Facebook.  The upshot is that the scatter scanners have been banned all across the European Union (EU) because of the increased risk of cancer in using them, both for the passengers as well as for the security staff.  When questioned, TSA's response was to point out the "rigorous testing the technology is subjected to, plus the fact 300+ 'dangerous and illegal items' have been detected by employing the body scanners."  So there you go.  Not only does the US apparently know more than Europe, they have managed to locate a whole 300 "dangerous and illegal" items from among the thousands of passengers flying every day; the article doesn't even suggest a time frame for these 300 items, the implication being that TSA found those 300 items since the scanning started, as opposed to say in one year's time.  That might sound a whole lot more impressive if it didn't represent a maybe--maybe--1% success rate.  TSA might as well make their new slogan "Letting Everyone See You Naked and Possibly Getting Cancer is Okay Because We've Uncovered Dangerous Objects in One Percent of All Travelers."  That's a bit wordy, though.  Perhaps it should be reduced to something like "Screw Your Rights and Health--We're TSA!"

The best part of the article for me was its linked page to something called "4th Amendment Underwear" (for the protester in all of us).   In it are shirts and boxers and even bras emblazoned with the 4th Amendment printed on the items in metallic ink so that when you are scanned by the x-ray machines, in addition to an up-close and personal look at all your goodies, TSA will get a less than subtle reminder that they are violating your Constitutional rights.  Other clothing articles include the slogan "Read the 4th Amendment Perverts."  I'd be lying if I said the thought of wearing such undergarments to the airport didn't appeal to me.  In fact, it appeals so much so that I actually went to the store page to see how much they would cost or if they would even be in my size.  This is what I saw: 

There were socks, too, but I couldn't get a big enough screen shot to include them.  Still, you've gotta love it--every.single.item is sold out.  Apparently I'm not the only subversive traveler out there.

Here's hoping that TSA eventually sees the error of its ways and finds more effective ways to secure air travel, preferably ones that do not involve violating one's rights and privacy or molesting one's person.  Meanwhile, way to go EU--good on you!

Welcome To My Kitschen

Today I had a few errands to run before choir practice, including purchasing some photo frames for those senior/graduation pictures I mentioned last night.  What I learned today is that "serendipity" is walking into Hobby Lobby for frames and discovering that they are all 50% off, whereas "stupidity" is going to Hobby Lobby for frames and leaving the pictures to be framed at home, making it much more difficult to find good frame matches for them.  Par for the course, really.  Still, they were on sale, so I can't really complain about anything beyond my inability to accurately post this information on my Facebook status.  Instead of "photos" I typed "pho."  Next thing I knew people were asking me if I had framed Vietnamese soup.  Also par for the course.

While I was wandering around the store, I saw several kitschy signs in the home decor section next to the frames.  Most of them aren't my taste, but some were cool.  What intrigued me were all the signs labeled with the names of specific rooms, like "Powder Room" or "Laundry" or "Kitchen."  Now I could see signs labeled with something like "Welcome to my Kitchen," but why just "Kitchen?"  Are these for people who can't remember which room they are in?  If that's the case, wouldn't it be more useful to put colored lines on the floor like in a hospital and post "You Are Here" signs around the house?  And what about the "Powder Room" sign?  I know what a powder room is, though labeling it so makes it sound like the room where you keep all your gunpowder.  I don't want to know about any of your explosive bathroom habits, thank you very much.  I don't think that residences should have their bathrooms labeled like they are in restaurants.  In a restaurant, people actually do need directions to keep them from accidentally visiting bathrooms designed for the opposite gender (not that I would know anything about that, nope), whereas at a house there is presumably someone available to point out the unisex facilities to you if you are incapable of the advanced reasoning required to open doors till you find a toilet.  If you do have to label your bathroom for your guests, why even put "powder room" or "salle de bain" or "loo?"  Why not just slap a sign on the door that reads "Deposit Human Waste Here?"  At least that would be more straitforward.  I'm just sayin'.

After trolling through Hobby Lobby for an hour, I did manage to complete half the errands on my list and have since made it home with all my discounted frames (minus the Vietnamese soup) intact and nary a kitschy sign in sight.  For now.

Welcome To My Kitschen

Today I had a few errands to run before choir practice, including purchasing some photo frames for those senior/graduation pictures I mentioned last night.  What I learned today is that "serendipity" is walking into Hobby Lobby for frames and discovering that they are all 50% off, whereas "stupidity" is going to Hobby Lobby for frames and leaving the pictures to be framed at home, making it much more difficult to find good frame matches for them.  Par for the course, really.  Still, they were on sale, so I can't really complain about anything beyond my inability to accurately post this information on my Facebook status.  Instead of "photos" I typed "pho."  Next thing I knew people were asking me if I had framed Vietnamese soup.  Also par for the course.

While I was wandering around the store, I saw several kitschy signs in the home decor section next to the frames.  Most of them aren't my taste, but some were cool.  What intrigued me were all the signs labeled with the names of specific rooms, like "Powder Room" or "Laundry" or "Kitchen."  Now I could see signs labeled with something like "Welcome to my Kitchen," but why just "Kitchen?"  Are these for people who can't remember which room they are in?  If that's the case, wouldn't it be more useful to put colored lines on the floor like in a hospital and post "You Are Here" signs around the house?  And what about the "Powder Room" sign?  I know what a powder room is, though labeling it so makes it sound like the room where you keep all your gunpowder.  I don't want to know about any of your explosive bathroom habits, thank you very much.  I don't think that residences should have their bathrooms labeled like they are in restaurants.  In a restaurant, people actually do need directions to keep them from accidentally visiting bathrooms designed for the opposite gender (not that I would know anything about that, nope), whereas at a house there is presumably someone available to point out the unisex facilities to you if you are incapable of the advanced reasoning required to open doors till you find a toilet.  If you do have to label your bathroom for your guests, why even put "powder room" or "salle de bain" or "loo?"  Why not just slap a sign on the door that reads "Deposit Human Waste Here?"  At least that would be more straitforward.  I'm just sayin'.

After trolling through Hobby Lobby for an hour, I did manage to complete half the errands on my list and have since made it home with all my discounted frames (minus the Vietnamese soup) intact and nary a kitschy sign in sight.  For now.

Picture This

One of things I most hate about moving is trying to figure out how (and where) to fit all my furniture and pictures in a new space.  Especially my pictures.  By the time I've lived somewhere for nearly a decade, I've gotten things just the way I want them, with pictures purchased to fill the spaces I have exactly.

The problem is that when you move, even if you have the same amount of space (or more), things never fit the same way again.  It's like losing the last 2-3 pieces out of a jigsaw puzzle.  Now I have more wall space (technically speaking only), but most of it isn't usable in the way I need it to be.  There are too many door frames and window frames in the way, or the furniture is now in different places than in my previous house, as dictated by my new floor plan.  It's very annoying.

Parts of my living room now have walls vaulting up a full two stories.  That's great and all, but what the heck do you do with all that dead space?  No one wants to sit around (or stand around, for that matter) getting neck cramps from trying to gaze at pictures, however big, 20 feet off of the ground.  So what am I to do?  It's a mystery.

A week from tomorrow I get to drive to the airport to pick up my girlie for Thanksgiving Break.  I'm looking forward to seeing her, of course, but this means that I am in a bit of a tailspin this week, particularly after getting behind last week while I was under the weather.  My goal was to have finished my sewing room, cleaned the whole house, and gotten--some 15 months later--all of my pictures hung at last.  Guess what three things are still not done.

So far, I have 1 coat of paint on all of the cubby shelves (my last set, thank goodness!) in my sewing room, and a second coat on the two bottom shelves.  Keep in mind each shelf has three cubbies on it, so you can imagine the amount of time and effort it's taking to paint the inside of what amounts to 21 boxes without painting all of the blue wall behind them.  Finishing these shelves is important because I cannot finish unpacking and organizing the sewing room without them, nor can I hang my intended pictures in that room till I can see where they'll fit once everything's been put away, never mind if I'll have room will left over for other surplus pictures.

While waiting for hours for my flipping Schwan's guy to show up today, I did get a head start on some of the cleaning.  The entire living room and dining room has now been dusted (no mean feat considering I hadn't done it in probably a month because I was working on the stupid sewing room before getting sick and delaying things further), except for the dining table because it is currently serving as Sort Central.  I also have gotten half of the closet in my office organized.  I know it sounds like these things should be unrelated, but they aren't.  I have never been one to clean a single room at a time. I always have multiple things going at once because there's almost always overlap.  For example, today, some of the stuff that needs to be cleaned in the sewing room belongs in the office, but before it can go in the office, I must first remove all the smaller picture frames clogging the shelves (which I have now done) so that those things will fit in my office.  I had put off moving the smaller frames because first I had to finish getting all my furniture arranged and rooms cleaned (no point putting clean frames in a dusty room) so that I could finally decide which pictures should go in which room, and I couldn't really do that till I had them all out where I could see them and know what my options were.  Also, I couldn't really place all my smaller prints until I had sorted out where all the big pictures were going, so I'd know what spaces I had left for them. 

It's like freaking photographic dominoes around here today. 

Before my choral practice tonight I spent a good 2-3 hours dredging out all the already-framed photos and putting them up all over the guest room so I could see what I had.  Good thing there's no guests, because I'm pretty sure no one would be able to sleep with all those faces staring creepily at the bed like a silent and judgmental Greek chorus.  Next I drug out my empty frames so I could decide which graduation pictures should go in which frame since none of those ever even got framed, what with the girlie graduating approximately ten minutes before moving and everything.  So I knew that in addition to the framed pictures I already had, I'd have to leave spots to add the newer senior/graduation pics into the house-wide distribution mix.

When I got home from rehearsal, I spent another hour arranging and rearranging my BIG pictures to see what would work best where, relocating half of them from my original plan for the house.  They still need to be hung, of course, but neither the hubs nor I were in the mood to drag the big ladder through the tight corners going from the garage to the living room.  But I feel better for having a real plan now, because at least half of the picture jigsaw puzzle is now done.  No doubt there will still be some jockeying of the other pieces as I try to fill in the empty spaces with whatever I can make fit. 

In the meantime, the living room is 2/3 done, the dining room is 2/3 done, my office (at least as far as cleaning goes) is 1/2 done and organization is 3/4 done, and the sewing room is maybe 1/3 finished.  I still have pictures to hang and pictures to display throughout the house, meaning I will finally be making said house (grudgingly) into a home because I will finally be admitting that this move is not going to unhappen anytime soon.  I still have floors to do, the kitchen to do, bathrooms to do, and painting to do--though that part at least can wait a bit longer. 

I've got Magic to Do, just for you...
I've got miracle costs to defray. 
I've got dust to reform, meals to warm. 
Pics and things to hang by storm,
As I clean the house todaaaaaa-ay-ay-aaaay.

And as if all that weren't enough, I still have to find the time to shop for Thanksgiving in there somewhere as well.

Anyway, if all miraculously goes well, then somehow everything will get done in the next week and I'll be able to cruise till Christmas, happy in the knowledge that not only will my house be clean, my sewing room and office fully functional and my clothes all laundered, but all of my framed art and photos will finally be hung by the chimney (and every-freaking-where else) with care, in the hopes that no more packing boxes will be found anywhere.