15 February 2013

Fun With Keyword Searches #3

Every so often I like to look at my blog stats just to see how I'm getting the minimal traffic I receive.  Two years ago, it was all about the Ukranian porn sites.  Last year, it was all about Russian home decorating and/or military-grade heavy ammunition because apparently a blog obsessed with redheads and snickerdoodles needs to acquire better interior design and/or mafia backing.  So far this year I have a much more eclectic array of referring urls.  Naturally the more mainstream Google, Facebook, BlogHer and other such sites are represented as are yet more Russian/Ukranian urls, this time for spy equipment,   industrial house siding, a mommy web-ring called "Cafe Mam," another (untranslatable) page that appears to be for phone sex considering the skimpily glad female on the home page and the plethora of phone numbers listed, and what appears to be a betting site for fantasy football.  Color me diversified.

Meanwhile, I'm always boggled by some of the bizarre things that come up in the keyword searches that refer people to my blog.  I've gotten everything from "evil porn," "whale's nipples" (seriously, people?), and "toddler sports bras" (I understand that obesity is a growing crisis in our country, but how many toddlers honestly require mammary support?) to "enlargement time delay electric shock physiotherapy" (WTH?), "ugly redhead perms," "nude dumkopf" (yes, I know it's misspelled), and "ginger boobs."  Well, alrighty then.  I guess I at least understand past hits from porn sites, but electric shock therapy?  Is that an editorial comment, or is it just something my readers think I need?  Not that I'm necessarily disagreeing, mind you.  I also never fail to be astonished by how many hits I get from variations of the word "macrame."  I realize why I get them, but could never have dreamed that people would still be obsessed with macrame even some 40 years after its heyday in the '70s.  You keep rockin' the hemp all you hoopy froods out there!

Some of this week's search offerings prove to be no less random than those previous:

First off, it's not my birthday and I'm not that old (or rather I don't act my age, as most of my friends would attest).  Secondly, "ginger redhead" is redundant and really, don't we ALL have red hearts?  I'm pretty sure that organ color is not  exclusively reserved for those of the ginger persuasion (though how cool would it be if it were?), at least not last time I checked.  I can only assume that the Schwan's man became frozen when a person or persons unknown shoved him into a freezer compartment of his own truck, possibly somewhere along Florida's Route 27.  Personally, I have absolutely no idea why either of these terms would show up in my blog stats, considering I've never been on route 27 (at least not to my knowledge) and I'm not generally in the habit of putting people on ice, regardless of how many mafia-related hits I seem to get.  Maybe all the Florida snowbirds are just desperate for a little ice-cream to relieve the excessive Floridian heat but couldn't afford Schwan's renowned sweet treats on their Social Security and pensions and so were forced by circumstances to do over the local Schwan's guy in order to liberate his stash of frozen nutty bars.  I'm guessing that would also explain why so many people were in dire need of peanuts.  Either that or the nearest sports stadium was looking to replace their depleted stash of peanuts before many people show up in the stands.

I realize that rabbiting on about keyword searches and referring urls probably isn't tremendously interesting for most of you and I suppose many people might even accuse me of having peanuts an over-active imagination.  While no doubt that's true, I prefer to think of it as a Creative Responsibility Avoidance Program (or CRAP for short).   Whatever gets me out of housework is okay by me.

Feel free to borrow my CRAP.  You're welcome.


  1. Happy Birthday Old Woman! LOL! I think my fav search term on my site is "torpedo boobs"

  2. NICE! I think I'm most partial to "nude dumkopf" and "duct tape messiah" so far.

    1. "Boobs n nipples pictionary" was pretty good, too. ;)

  3. *giggle* the strangest one I have is some Korean site. The Romanian links to me make sense considering the last name (FIL is from Romania).

    And I am so glad to find another member of CRAP!