08 May 2012

It's Naked Time!

You know how people sometimes say they can't wait for their kids to leave home so they can run around the house naked?   Well, it's sort of true.  It's not so much that you run around deliberately performing naked versions of the Time Warp or Single Ladies or re-enacting a particularly spectacular touchdown.  Well, I don't know...you might.  I don't.  (Usually.)  It's more that, just occasionally, you worry less about getting dressed in between chores.  For example, if you get out of the shower and realize you're out of clean underwear, you might meander to the laundry room to acquire some.  With the drapes shut and no kids at home to consider having you committed, there's no harm done and no one is the wiser.

You know how I also sometimes say that life down here is often freakishly boring?  Well, often it is.  Not today so much.  Don't you hate it when weird crap happens just to make a liar out of you?  Now imagine combining "naked" and "weird crap" together and you'll maybe have an inkling of how I spent part of my afternoon.

Because I often stay up rather late, my schedule tends to get shifted back.  So earlier this afternoon I took a shower.  I got out, dried off, hung up my towel and went to get some clothes when I realized I was fresh out of clean bras.  Typical.  Since the blinds were indeed drawn and no one but the dog was at home, I strolled starkers through the house to the laundry room to reclaim a basket of freshly cleaned laundry which I knew possessed at least one of the AWOL undergarments.  While in the laundry room, I noticed that the washer was done with the load I'd put in before climbing into the shower.  Always one to economize effort, I decided to go ahead and transfer the load into the dryer.  While I was standing there.  Naked.  Like you do.

As I was bending over to retrieve more clothes, I suddenly heard water running.  At first I thought something was wrong with the washer, then it clicked that the water was running outside, from the spigot right next to the laundry room.  I ran through the checklist:  the hubs is at work, the girlie is at school, and the dog lacks opposable thumbs.   Clearly I was not outside, what with the being naked and all, so WTH????   I scrunched myself against the wall between the window (with the inconveniently OPEN blinds) and the washer and leaned over to peek through the slats to see what the heck was going on.  I caught a glimpse of a grey t-shirt sleeve waving next to the window as its occupant worked the tap--on MY house--without permission.  I quickly scrunched back against the wall and the washer to avoid being seen in all my nuditude, then peeked out again.  This time all I saw was some big-ass dog trotting down my driveway.  I didn't recognize the dog from the neighborhood, either.  I quickly ran to the front window and peered through the blinds to see if I could espy either the big dog or Grey Shirt, but I couldn't. 

I still have no idea whether the person helping himself to my water bill was a random dog walker watering his beast or one of the workmen clearing the lot across the street who decided to stop laboring long enough to help himself to quick drink.  Either way that's trespassing, dude.  It's not that I would begrudge a dog or a worker a drink of water if asked, but I still want to be asked first and not have random people just helping themselves to whatever the hell they want from my house, especially when I'm standing around in the buff.  On the other hand, if he had knocked on the door to ask first, he'd have gotten quite a little shock, no?  Bet he wouldn't be stealing water from me again any time soon.

So what lessons have we learned from this little episode, boys and girls?

1.  Do not leave random construction workers unsupervised around your home.
     (And boy, doesn't this bode well for when I'm gone a few days later this month
     to drive the girlie's car to her campus?  Color me thrilled that workmen across
     the street will know when I'm gone and will have easy access to my property...)


2.  Having kids away at college doesn't guarantee you won't one day find yourself
     exposed and literally up against the wall while unable to hold your water.
     I'm just sayin'.

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