I admit it; I'm an Olympics junkie. I have been ever since I was in high school, when all anyone could talk about was the "Miracle on Ice" at the 1980 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid (which was anything but placid at the time). Summer or winter, when the Olympics is broadcast I am glued to the television like some wide-eyed limpet, regardless of the sport. In fact, when the Olympics is on, I'll watch sports I would never otherwise give a second glance (I'm looking at you, Race Walking and Cross-Country Skiing). I just can't help myself; I get caught up in all the Olympic spirit--not just in rooting for the home team or in watching athletes medal, but in all those side stories of people upholding sportsmanship and class to a degree that's not always seen outside of the Olympics. Like this time, when a Canadian ski coach replaced a Russian skier's broken ski so he could finish his race with dignity instead of crossing the line broken and battered and demoralized, or the freestyle skier who is taking home 4 puppies he rescued from Sochi's stray dog extermination program, or the speed skater who gave up his spot to a teammate who had a better chance of medaling in one event, even though he hadn't qualified for it. There is just something about the Olympics that makes athletes (and we spectators) rise above petty rivalries and which brings out the best in us all. And of course, there's also The Pants--Norway's Men's Curling team and their gloriously loud and exotic pants. I adore those pants. I still don't really get curling, but if a bunch of hot men wearing fantastically inventive pants want to yell "Harder, harder!!" at the screen as though personally inviting me to play with their stones, well, then, who am I to argue? They are welcome to sweep me off my feet.
Anyway, while watching the Games this week I keep seeing ads for the ski jumping (presumably because it's such a big deal that women are ski jumping these Games for the first time. And always during these ads are set to the wildly appropriate lyrics "'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky..." Eventually it made me start wondering about what theme songs the other events should have, so I came up with this list. You're welcome.
Biathlon: Bang Bang (alternatively, Happiness is a Warm Gun)
Bobsled: With A Little Help From My Friends
Cross Country Skiing: 500 Miles
Curling: Everybody Must Get Stoned (alternatively, If I Had a Hammer)
Downhill Skiing: Flirting With Disaster (alternatively, Don't Stop Me Now)
Figure Skating: I Feel Pretty
Freestyle/Mogul Skiing: I Love Rocky Road
Hockey: Hit Me With Your Best Shot
Luge: Slip Slidin' Away
Short Track Speed Skating: Wipeout
Skeleton: Suicide Is Painless
Ski Jump: Defying Gravity
Snowboard: Livin' On The Edge
Speed Skating: Ice, Ice, Baby