November 19, 2011

Fear and Loathing in Georgia

Currently I am preparing to head off to the minor med to determine whether the abdominal pain I've had for the last 3 days is something serious like a hernia or appendicitis or an impacted bowel or a gall bladder attack or a team of tiny explosives experts trying to kick my butt from the inside out.  None of these options sounds particularly appealing, as all would likely involve surgery, never mind surgery 2-3 days before my girlie flies home and a mere 5 days before Turkey Day.  I am less than thrilled by this turn of events, to say the least.  The irony is that I finally found a new primary care physician, whom I am scheduled to see--next week.  Her office of Internal Medicine couldn't fit me in yesterday because I am 1) not yet an established patient and 2) they are only open till noon on Fridays (I called around 10).  So now I am off to put my fate in the hands of some random doctor from God knows where, who will no doubt lecture me on the evils of obesity, because that's just how my week is going.  I hate going to the doctor.  Any doctor.

And yet, in my fear and consternation, how do I prepare for this doctor visit?  I shave my legs and underarms, just in case some doctor has a surgical need to invade my body via either of those locations.  Because I'm sure they will be wasting time staring at my legs and pits, instead of standing around trying to figure out how to find the relevant organs around my deposits of extra flesh.  Yeah, that's it.  Meanwhile, I wonder if I could convince them to do a little liposuction while they're in there...

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